My Ultimate Cheat Day

As you all know by now I forcefully advocate the reward system: Work hard, eat clean, reward well. Read a few posts back and you'll see my discussion of the "mortal sin" in Florida. Today, as promised, I'm going to share with you...in all it's gory, horrific truth...my ultimate cheat day.

I look forward to thanksgiving for one reason; broken into many sub-reasons. Thanksgiving is the day I work all year for. It's my favorite day of the year. In fact, I love thanksgiving so much I'm going to reiterate that thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year. And I don't mean that like "Chocolate ice cream if my favorite ice cream". I mean it like this is the one day of the year before which I have trouble sleeping, after which I'm so sad I have another 365 days to go it virtually sends me into a homicidal tizzy. I look forward to this one day all year, even more so the week of. My teeth tingle with excitement, butterflies nest deep inside my belly, my mind is so worthless, so distracted, I'm of little more use than a dead tree stump.

It all begins at breakfast (which as you also know is my favorite meal). I start with french toast, a short stack, and an egg and cheese bagel. If I still have room (ha, "if"...let's be serious, I'm just warming up) I order a couple sides of bacon because everything tastes better with bacon. Top it off with some juice and coffee and you have the makings of a pig, slowly entering the slop.

Next, I make my way to the supermarket. Here, I stock up on my permanent-thanksgiving accessories: Cheetos (the crunch kind, not that puff garbage), a few cans of E-Z Cheese, a box of club crackers, and a bag or two of oreos. Now we're off to the races.

By now, it's about 10a and we're on the road to my parents house. I liken myself to Homer Simpson when surround by bowls of chips, and dips, and football game goodies. I morph into a sugar driven, fat seeking, cheese grubbing tazmanian devil. I can't get enough.

Around noon, it's time for a quick stop off for a few slices of pizza. Perhaps a sausage, a pepperoni, and one meat-lovers...perhaps. Back on the road again, and I'm tearing through more crunchy, powdered cheese goodness, scarfing through the creamy inside of another O-R-E-O, charging through another sleeve of crackers covered in processed cheese spread. (As an aside: This is maybe the hardest blog I've ever written...I'm serious. Thank goodness thanksgiving really isn't too far away. If I were writing this in December, I would seriously need some sort of tranquilizer to bring me down.)

I'm sure at this point you're all wondering if I feel bloated, and greasy, dirty and disgusting. And yes, I do...very much so. But it's so good, it's just so good...I can't say that enough...it's all just so good.

Upon our arrival in my hometown comes a stop off at Neat-O-Burrito for a burrito, so enormous it's obscene. Pack that puppy with some chicken, guacamole, beans, rice, etc., etc., etc.,. I easily power through this little slice of heaven, and it's back to my accessory foods.

We have arrival at our destination. We climb out of the car, the cool air snaps me out of that food induced fugue state. As we enter the house we're struck by the warm smells of fresh baked breads, pumpkin pie, stuffing, mashed sweets, and turkey.

It's a couple hours until dinner, and I'll usually take a little break. Pack down the mass inside my belly with a few glasses of wine. The next few hours tend to dance by on the wings of an alcohol buzz, furthered aloft by the laughter and jokes.

Dinner time. Pass the turkey (leg for me), pass the stuffing, pass the potatoes, pass the greens, pass the gravy. Pass the turkey , pass the stuffing, pass the potatoes, pass the greens, pass the gravy. Pass the turkey, pass the stuffing, pass the potatoes, pass the greens, pass the gravy...and so it goes until its time for piece de resistance, the culmination of this day of gluttony, the cherry on the scoop...the pumpkin pie. A few slices my way, wash it down with a brownie or two, and a cup of coffee. With that, my ultimate cheat day comes to a close.

The following morning, of course, I'm back at the gym, I'm back on clean eating, and I'm usually back on the toilet paying the price for all that fat, sugar, and starch...but it's all worth it. Maybe not to you, maybe not to anyone else, but to me it's ALL worth it. One day of the year, everything is right with the world. I can lose myself in all the gluttonous indulgences I avoid, sometimes barely, all year long.

This is an extreme example, founded in compulsion. The point I hope to express is that everyone deserves a reward. I've said the same in dozens of other posts. Reward yourself. Just take notice of my reward day. Save for the occasional mortal sin, or slice of pizza, Thanksgiving is an aberration. An uber-reward for a year's worth of hard work. Maybe you'll follow this example and give yourself one day a year, so gluttonous, so full of indulgence, it's nearly criminal. Or maybe you'll choose to give yourself a slice of pizza every couple weeks, or an order of French Fries. Take this however you'd like; just don't slip down the slope and fall into a dangerous lifestyle.

So, like I said I forcefully advocate the reward system: Work hard, eat clean, reward well...VERY well.